Miami Vice & Cultural Learnings of America

This is a two part blog, firstly covering off our time in Miami, and secondly some diatribe from a couple of Kiwis at the end of 2 and a ½ weeks in the United States of America – land of the free. Before heading further, an apology to all friends that are reading for the length and frequency of posts – we’ll try to be more disciplined and expect the posts to be less frequent as the internet connections become less reliable. We’d also have less time to write posts if more people e-mailed us with news and updates of their own (someone pass us some tissues!).

Miami

Miami has always been penciled in as a bit of downtime before hitting Jamaica and Cuba. In this regard, it was the perfect spot to unwind with a fantastic beach, great weather and a generally more relaxed approach to life (the Cuban influence we suspect). We spent the first day down on the beach swimming, bathing and writing postcards (congrats to those that made the cut and got one), before grabbing a bucket and spade and knocking up a quick sandcastle.

On a downer however, our estimation of a 180 minute burn time (taking into account the additional ozone and pollution present in the atmosphere) was a little off, resulting in two burnt gringos at the end of the day. For Mat, a ginger, this is par for the course and something taken in one’s stride with an optimism that this time, it might tan instead of peel. For Caroline however, the burn knocked her for 6 and required some down time and aloe vera gel to get over it.

While Miami is a large enough city to keep one busy for a couple of weeks, we deliberately limited ourselves to the South Beach area and it’s fantastic restaurants. We ate like kings for 5 nights, with Italian, Mexican, Spanish and Japanese foods dominating the diet. The highlight of the culinary experiences of the week being a little place 200 metres from our hotel in Little Espanol called ‘Tapas & Tintos’.


We did however venture out to the Florida Everglades for a look at the flora and fauna. This excursion took us to Gator Park where a redneck with a chip on his shoulder about the local authorities and casinos on Indian reservations took us on an airboat journey through the everglades, taking in alligators, iguanas, turtles and birdlife along the way. Following the blat on the airboat, we took in a gator wrestling show and got the chance to man-handle one of these ferocious beasts ourselves. While ‘Larry’ below may look a little placid, we’re sure he was conserving energy for someone a little more plumper later in the day.

Cultural Learnings of America

Inspired by the title of Borat’s movie, and having been to ‘New York Dip’, a restaurant owned by the man that played Azumat (Borat’s Director) in the Borat movie, we thought we’d offer some of our observations on the US as we head south. Nothing too thought provoking, just some snippets of info…

For some reason, US toilets have an enormous amount of water in the bowl, such that if one is not careful when they sit, there is a risk of ‘wet balls’. On the positive side of things, this appeared to prevent skid marks, though did seem to be an enormous waste of water to avoid such crimes.

Figuring out tipping etiquette is something we are yet to conquer. We did learn early on the consequence of forgetting to tip when at a drinking establishment – a long time between the first and second round of drinks! It pays to ALWAYS have a spare $1 if you ever want another drink.
What is stupid though is tipping as a percentage of the bill. This means that with exceptional service on a cheap menu, the waitress will get a smaller tip than the waitress who provides crap service on an expensive meal. We did however utilise a new approach – round to the nearest $5 and leave quickly…

And on the subject of paying for things, why can’t we include tax on the advertised price? Nothing worse than ordering a $4 smoothie, getting a Sir Ed or dickie diver (fiver - $5) out of the wallet to learn that with tax and tip, it’s actually $6.53. If it’s going to be $6.53, put that on the menu and stop dicking us around! And what’s with the one cent pieces. Got 73 of them in the wallet already with no intention of using them. Funnily enough though, 73 one cent pieces staked end to end is still not enough to breach the water surface from the bottom of the toilet bowl!

Now the predominant interaction we had with money, tax and tipping was in relation to food, and generally copious amounts of it! Every second meal we ordered would feed a South Auckland family for a week and contain enough grease to keep the car running for a year. The resulting obesity epidemic is prevalent on most walks down an American street. Yet when one orders a beer, you have to specifically request full strength as apposed to light. Honestly, who has light beer on tap?

And finally, we’re finally getting used to the size of cars ( or ve-hick-els as they say it here) which are all generally wider than our little blue 4 door Corolla was long. Our favourites are the flat back utes where the base of the car sits 30cm above the top of the wheels which offer a distinct parking advantage in the urban environments where they are predominantly found. Yet to see one with mud or dirt on it, indicating use in an environment requiring 8,000 horse power of pulling power…